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  1. Errach

    The Mysterious Green Turd

    Throughout my life, I've dropped all kinds of unusual deuce (haven't we all?), but the green turd is by far the most memorable and puzzling - and to this day, its origins remain a mystery. It only ever ejected from my ass a couple of times - most recently about a year ago. I remember being mesmerized by the deep shade of green (ranging somewhere between pine and seaweed) and completely puzzled as to how it came to be. The most surprising was the fact that it was sturdy - I've grown accustomed to all kinds of disturbing shades of diarrhea, but the green turd was perfectly solid and its birth was not accompanied by any pain. The mystery of the green turd haunted my thoughts for days. I took to google to find answers. The research allowed me to greatly expand my knowledge on poop analysis thanks to the surprisingly vast amount of shit facts on google, but I didn't come close to solving the mystery. The two main causes of green feces - diarrhea and leafy vegetables - were ruled out. The only remaining suggested explanation was excess iron in my diet, yet I wasn't able to determine what the source of it would be. Choking on a rebar the day prior would definitely be an occurence I would remember. To this day, the mysterious green turd remains one of my life's most fascinating mysteries and serves to me as a reminder to always choose a toilet with a shelf for the bathroom, as one never knows what wonderful gifts one will give birth to - and they deserve to be admired. Every single one of them.

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